Now, when I close my eyes, I disappear. Zip through the cranial highways, through the pupil, and escape through the forests of the lids. It used to be a chore, a feat, but as time chugged along, just as the pills began to slip down my throat with less and less hesitations and rebuttals, so has my escape become easier.

Minutes turned to hours, hours to days, days to weeks, weeks to months, and months to years. When the years turned again into minutes, my mind became a siren. My body rejected with every fiber of its being these cold, white walls, far away from the sun. I wanted to go.

This body once fueled and filled by nothing but dreams, far too young, had become a weighted sack of pain and unfulfilled desires growing heavier and heavier as my eyes spent whole days watching the seconds tick by. My life and my world had become all one white, grim blur. The earthly vehicle I had been given had lost its tire, and there, with my trip barely begun, I found myself stuck.

With no spare on this lonely road, I sat for a long time before I built a tent from the clothes on my back. One cruel day the tent blew away in the unfriendly wind, and on another I found my belly empty, my tongue dry, my mind living in a haze, no longer able to recall how long I had been there. I looked around myself then, and to my own horror, found that in my absent-mindedness I had built myself a home of sand and tears in this lonely place, having forgotten my journey, entirely.

I wanted to go.

Through half-heartedly flowing slivers of crimson waters and endless bitter white pearls I would plan my first escapes, and to my own dismay, found myself too cowardly and perhaps not hopeless enough to sail that small ramshackle boat into such a quiet, open sea.

It seemed that I had become a rubber band stretched at both ends, threatening to pop in its center, stinging both hands on either side. I stretched, but never broke, simply growing thin, instead. Thinner, ever thinner. Lying down in the dust in this unnatural world, I finally stretched my fingers toward where the sky should be. I became so thin, as to be invisible. Though too heavy to stand, I was weightless when I lay. For the first time, I closed my eyes and was gone.

Beyond those countless dreams of pure nothingness and no repose, I broke through the thick wall into the sun unlike any I had seen before, shining so brightly as to swallow me whole. I flew toward places I could barely remember, it had been so long since I had thought of them. I fancied myself a creator in this boundless frontier of mine, and joy leaked beyond my tested skin. Friendly faces once forgotten handed me road maps, and filled me up with happy rumors of that fine place on the horizon. Walking side by side, we spoke of cheerier things until we had arrived.

At once, my eyes opened upon those burning sands where I had lain invisible for so long. I glanced backward and smiled at the sight of that old rusty vehicle sitting in that old dusty place, far far behind me.


2014-07-02 15.09.58

2014-07-02 14.46.37

2014-07-02 12.00.41

My new baby. I’ve already marked my territory by adding a layer of filth to the top.






Me so cheeky.